Prioritize Us: Unlock Lasting Love with One Simple, Proven Test (The Priority Series)

In Prioritize Us, Nick Brancato offers a meticulous and methodically structured approach to strengthening romantic relationships by fostering alignment in personal and shared priorities. Rather than attributing relational discord to a lack of affection, Brancato argues that most conflicts stem from unacknowledged or misaligned values. Through a blend of psychological insight and practical exercises, Prioritize Us presents a compelling case for intentional relationship-building, equipping couples with the tools to navigate evolving life circumstances together.

Central to the book is the Total Difference Score (TDS), a diagnostic framework designed to quantify how well partners’ priorities align across ten fundamental life categories: career, finances, communication, intimacy, health, personal growth, relationships, safety, entertainment, and spirituality. By ranking these priorities individually and then comparing scores, couples uncover potential areas of misalignment—often the unspoken roots of recurring arguments. For instance, a partner who prioritizes financial security may view discretionary spending as irresponsible, while the other, valuing shared experiences, sees it as an investment in their relationship. Rather than allowing such differences to breed resentment, Prioritize Us encourages open dialogue, empathy, and compromise.

Brancato’s writing is both incisive and accessible, striking a balance between research-driven insights and real-world application. He illustrates his arguments with relatable vignettes, such as the case of Chris and Megan, a couple whose disagreement over vacation plans reveals deeper ideological differences—Chris seeks professional networking opportunities, while Megan desires an uninterrupted retreat from work. Similarly, he examines “priority drift” through Sam and Laura, a long-married couple whose once-shared ambition for career advancement diverges as Laura shifts focus to family life. These examples underscore the book’s primary thesis: relationship success is not about eliminating differences, but about recognizing and realigning them with intentionality.

What distinguishes Prioritize Us from more generic relationship advice books is its commitment to actionable strategies. Brancato does not merely diagnose the problem—he provides a clear roadmap for resolution. The book is replete with structured exercises, reflection prompts, and conversation starters designed to facilitate deeper understanding between partners. In the chapter Interpreting the Total Difference Score (TDS), he introduces a scoring rubric that helps couples categorize their alignment from “Synchronized” (minimal differences) to “Polarized” (critical misalignment requiring substantial intervention). The system offers a tangible metric for assessing relational harmony, making abstract emotional dynamics more manageable.

Another strength of Prioritize Us is its emphasis on the fluid nature of priorities. Brancato recognizes that relationships are not static entities but evolving partnerships influenced by external circumstances and internal growth. He advocates for regular reassessments of the TDS, particularly during major life transitions such as career shifts, parenthood, or relocation. The chapter Navigating Life Changes and Evolving Priorities provides a framework for periodic check-ins, ensuring that partners remain attuned to each other’s evolving needs rather than drifting apart due to unspoken expectations.

While the book’s structured methodology is a strength, some readers may find the numerical approach to relational dynamics overly clinical. Relationships, after all, do not always lend themselves to quantitative assessment. However, Brancato mitigates this concern by emphasizing that the TDS is not a rigid verdict but a starting point for meaningful conversations. The goal is not perfect alignment but a mutual understanding that fosters deeper trust and emotional security.

In sum, Prioritize Us is a sophisticated and pragmatic guide for couples seeking to cultivate a more intentional and harmonious relationship. Brancato’s fusion of empirical research, real-world case studies, and actionable exercises makes this book a valuable resource for those willing to engage in self-reflection and proactive communication. Whether newly dating or decades into marriage, readers will find that this book offers not just a test, but a transformative toolkit for relational success.